elainegrey

Summary: Snow! I felt heavy and was not very productive yesterday so i made a call to see about free assistance that might not be a good fit for me, but it's a step.

Sparkly fluffy snow! They'd backed off of any forecast of accumulation so, here we are with maybe an inch. It's a teacher workday in the local school system so i've no idea how that affects kids, but parents were well warned.

Yesterday i was filled with a heaviness. I think part of it is talking with my manager about doing strategic goal work and a nice size part of me wants to die. It's the part of me that sends me into the kitchen to eat SOMETHING to run away from expressing an opinion in email (and since that's my job....) There certainly was part of it being the new political climate, but i suspect more was the discussion with my manager (that went very well and was positive but ...).

So, i'm getting a wellness coach through the EAP. I was hoping the coaching program would be much more free-form to meet my needs and problems, but it looks like there area menu of "programs." I took the dealing with stress one, there's another on burnout that might also be twisted to meet my needs.

I spent non tribal amounts of time in the past week thinking about how coaching might help me since i had learned free coaching was available. I think there are some clear things someone can help me with. But it's a free benefit so i figured i should see if it helps. At worst i loose 90 minutes over a month or so and i'm loosing more than that now. A reasonable expectation is that i decide it might be worth paying for and then i look for an ADHD coach. I'm reading "How to ADHD" and the time blindness section is resonating so strongly and then the motivation section -- opens section and begins to skim -- The problems resonate, the solutions look nice on paper but there are so many and i can't do them all at once. Deciding which....

Notes below.

Made some excellent progress in improving schedule and task management over the past few years. However, the increased effectiveness at work plus a couple years of a health issue have me feeling very challenged by the rest of my life. My current tension is that i tell myself i will do things, should do things, want to do things, and i am "not in the mood" -- lacking energy or focus . When i have been on target all workday, i have a hard time directing myself after work, even if it is to do pleasurable things, or things that will relieve stress, or things that will feed my heart and soul. * I want to do too much - have "COE" tool (Condition of Enoughness, set only one thing to do - insert maniacal laughter here) * Time blindness * I don't know how to celebrate or increase dopamine, pleasures turn into work * i don't know how to set up a virtuous cycle: "wins" like meeting goals tend to "let me out of this straight jacket" feelings * i easily forget goals unless they are in front of me Cycle 1: the intention cycle * coe Cycle 2: the inspiration cycle * colored pencils near couch * books near couch