elainegrey

I became exhausted by the end of last week, so took Friday off. I went through medical bills, probably too attentively and too methodically but this is all new so.... Also, there was weirdness: UNC charged me  over 10 * X for a doctors appointment that i would have expected to be X.  However,  prior hospitalization, i thought, and went ahead and paid. Then it sat there, "not yet applied" to the account. I finally got the over 10 * X bill for the hospitalization, and had to ask that the money sitting there be applied.

I'm assuming someone in accounting is fed up with how long it takes to go through all the hoops with insurance and came up with this technique to get earlier payment. I wouldn't care except it didn't seem the ... pre-charge, let's call it ... was applied automatically. Anyhow, a few outstanding bills of X i think.

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Friday i reread the first book in a speculative fiction series, again, and concluded, again, that it didn't float my boat. I respected the universe building and the sophistication of what the author was trying to do, but i realize i have a novel type that tends towards competency porn. That's what i wanted and was missing, or at least the protagonist's situation was all about how incompetent they felt. Look, that's me at work, don't need to read someone else wrestling with similar demons.

Library has e-books of Moon's continuation in the Paksenarrion Universe and that suited yesterday.I'll want to read the 80's and 90's books which have conveniently been bundled into omnibus editions.

Also Friday was niece's performance as K Howard in SIX: Teen edition, which she handled with excellence.

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Saturday ... i am sure i did things but i mainly sat on the couch with a brief run to the co-op to get sesame seed and had a manicure-pedicure in which long ignored cuticles were wrangled. Also, i had awkwardly cut toenails at an odd angle: that too is now resolved.

Today i have baked my buckwheat loaf, my second set of seed crackers based on https://ascensionkitchen.com/speedy-super-seed-crackers/ and roasted a bunch of roots. The seed crackers are good and today's batch incorporated figs and dehydrated lemon slices  in the pureed soaked buckwheat and flaxseed, plus poppy seed on top.  I don't know if i'll get to the orange marmalade or orange almond cake on my mental list. The collected peel and the older oranges aren't getting younger but i am feeling a little tired.

I should walk: i haven't been down the hill and back for days. And maybe i should sit outside in the sun some.

Otherwise, i suspect we are both depressed. I can't tell personally if i am depressed or tired from ITP (the platelet issue). Tomorrow's platelet measurement would be good to be up from last week's or flat, and then exhaustion is "just" depression and stress.

Christine's brother in law was in surgery on Thursday and we had a bit of whip-saw with exceptions: before it was surgery in hopes of helping him recover better from all of last year's trauma, early in the surgery my sister in law was given warnings and much lowered expectations including long ICU recover, Saturday the were back to a life expectancy in years and he was out of ICU with discharge being discussed.

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I appreciate how one of you signs off (not public) posts with a benediction. And that feels important now. I appreciate how you all share your lives with me. I write now and hope often that you and your loved ones will be well, you will feel loved and cared for,  and that you will be free of fear and despair. I recognize how hard it may be to see some parts of that, and i hold your shared fears, frustration and pain in my arms and hope you feel space for both that and my hopes.