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Care Check-In
Have i been using those tools that i know make my life better? (Or that i'm experimenting with?)
Not exactly, as i've not been doing the little bits of question and response check in since ( for this) April 3. I haven't exactly set goals for the summer. Reading others' posts about their goals and progress is a little discomforting. I'm not sure why i haven't set my rough outline of goals in place, except to romanticize or rationalize it as a willingness to let go and let That Which Is transform me. Flow. And i quickly have layers of thought of, "Yes! You've spent so much time training and directing yourself, now let training react to the chaos of or reality and shift and adjust at the moment, trust the momentum that you've built up to stay on the right path!" and "You should be strictly following some system to Get Things Done -- my god, woman, right this moment do you realize how much you are failing to meet commitments and expectations!?!!"
Typing that voice out really lets me see it as the anxious, fearful, fail-ful voice it is.
Just going back seven days!
~ balance of expressive creation, nurturing, and consuming others' 5,6: Consuming: much reading of sci-fi, friend's brother's reading. Creating: Altered shirt. Nurturing: moments in the garden. The "much reading" captures a sense of lethargy & escape that leads me to believe i'm out of balance.
~ stay aware of joy and abundance1: not in the sense i'd like. More anxiety than trust.
~ awareness of transitions (joy/flow/meander) & use of mental/emotional bookmarking 1: i'm aware of feeling distrustful of the current when it's slow. I feel like if i do slow down to enjoy a slow bit, to rest, i become beached, and do not return to the faster current. I can pour through the morning rush, hit a slow or calm spot, and then not make forward movement again. Am i beached? Or do i really need to rest that much? If so, am i rushing too muc earlier?
~ caring for skin, teeth, diet1: Teeth need more care. Scalp is bugging me.
~ exercise daily: 1 Biking on Sunday was good!
? evening check in; weekly journal prompts; monthly query: 1 not sure about this.
X weekly review of scattered todo notes: all I feel like things are slipping, but that i'll crash if i try to catch things.
X work walk break daily 1,4: can't remember when i did this last.
X use "emotional hacks" like "not-care-less" to avoid paralysis: 1,4 It's not so much paralysis these days as "i'm tired, let me take a break"
~ ruthlessly delete cruft 1,4,6:
I had been doing a very good job of cutting out sugars but lapsed this week. Need to return to that because i think it did make a good difference.
Have i been using those tools that i know make my life better? (Or that i'm experimenting with?)
Not exactly, as i've not been doing the little bits of question and response check in since ( for this) April 3. I haven't exactly set goals for the summer. Reading others' posts about their goals and progress is a little discomforting. I'm not sure why i haven't set my rough outline of goals in place, except to romanticize or rationalize it as a willingness to let go and let That Which Is transform me. Flow. And i quickly have layers of thought of, "Yes! You've spent so much time training and directing yourself, now let training react to the chaos of or reality and shift and adjust at the moment, trust the momentum that you've built up to stay on the right path!" and "You should be strictly following some system to Get Things Done -- my god, woman, right this moment do you realize how much you are failing to meet commitments and expectations!?!!"
Typing that voice out really lets me see it as the anxious, fearful, fail-ful voice it is.
Just going back seven days!
~ balance of expressive creation, nurturing, and consuming others' 5,6: Consuming: much reading of sci-fi, friend's brother's reading. Creating: Altered shirt. Nurturing: moments in the garden. The "much reading" captures a sense of lethargy & escape that leads me to believe i'm out of balance.
~ stay aware of joy and abundance1: not in the sense i'd like. More anxiety than trust.
~ awareness of transitions (joy/flow/meander) & use of mental/emotional bookmarking 1: i'm aware of feeling distrustful of the current when it's slow. I feel like if i do slow down to enjoy a slow bit, to rest, i become beached, and do not return to the faster current. I can pour through the morning rush, hit a slow or calm spot, and then not make forward movement again. Am i beached? Or do i really need to rest that much? If so, am i rushing too muc earlier?
~ caring for skin, teeth, diet1: Teeth need more care. Scalp is bugging me.
~ exercise daily: 1 Biking on Sunday was good!
? evening check in; weekly journal prompts; monthly query: 1 not sure about this.
X weekly review of scattered todo notes: all I feel like things are slipping, but that i'll crash if i try to catch things.
X work walk break daily 1,4: can't remember when i did this last.
X use "emotional hacks" like "not-care-less" to avoid paralysis: 1,4 It's not so much paralysis these days as "i'm tired, let me take a break"
~ ruthlessly delete cruft 1,4,6:
I had been doing a very good job of cutting out sugars but lapsed this week. Need to return to that because i think it did make a good difference.