elainegrey

I shouldn't be cranky.

And how would you describe being cranky? Can you be cranky alone?

No, i'm not cranky.

Christine may have a small herniated area[2], and we've sent of a photo to the surgeon. "Is this new? Is this bad?" She was very distressed last night, spiraling into distress about my work. I'm trying to be at peace about Crazy Work Nonsense[1]. I am tired, so i've slept in this morning. I did wake at 4:35, which is five minutes earlier than my background wake music began all week. It wasn't because i'd shifted time zones: it was because i felt i was drowning in my night sweats. How can i possibly sweat that much? My hair and pillow were wet! Wet! If i were living in another time i would be certain i was being taken by naiads in my sleep.

Yesterday i set some "Conditions of Enoughness." Later in the morning i made a vow not to have sweets until after 5 pm. I did take the garbage out before 3 pm, so YAY. I did ride the bike with Christine near me on the deck. She reminded me to sit down and appreciate that i had done the exercise. "Did that feel good?" she asked, and i froze up. The overwhelming awareness of my poor body sense hit me: did this feel good? I don't know. Instead, let's assert it: this feels good ... this *is* good. In the late light of a spring evening, under beautiful blue skies, swirling with white clouds, i exercised while chatting with my Beloved. What could be better? Willow and redwood and the pool in the distance, the deck green with my plants and abloom. Yes, there's a thick litter of birdseed shells, but so it goes. It is good, was good, and i went inside and made salads for us for dinner.

Is a romaine heart a day too much lettuce? I'm eating lots of lettuce these days. Hummus and lettuce and a old apple and grape tomatoes and the last of the chopped walnuts and these wonderful Kosher-for-passover savory loop "croutons." Christine had mandarin oranges and cottage cheese.

We watched the first half of a ITV mystery "Monroe: Class of '76" with Scottish Robert Carlyle as the moody detective. It reminds us of the Brannaugh Wallander in the evocative use of landscape to create the atmosphere needed for the bleak mystery, contrasted with crazed rapid cuts in scenes.

I broke my vow about sweets, and i only did two of the five things i said i'd do. That's part of the cranky, what with facing the Saturday slipping away so quickly. We just made a very comprehensive grocery list, though, and i've financial motivation in the form of physical coupons so that the cost of delivery removes the temptation. Also, some things Christine will want soon, if not already.

[1] Crazy work nonsense: Pretty much anyone can see that the two edicts from this week pretty much come down to "We don't know how to fix the problem so we'll make two huge unilateral process changes that will introduce chaos into the system for another couple of months and we can blame everything on that." While i have been terribly frustrated that Problems aren't being dealt with, i'm going to do my damnedest to make sure there's minimal turmoil for my staff or project. Unlike the mental mess i got into last year, this is so not-my-fault and so unexpected, that i can treat it like a small-scale natural disaster. Are hard disk corruptions "natural disasters"? One of these changes is likely to cause such a data mangle....

[2] Disquamanation, it seems, and we are not to worry.