elainegrey

This past week

Saturday: a chat with Dad as he's driving off to play poker at the American Legion. Background: He's been seeing the same person for almost a year, she's introduced him to all her friends and family members. He doesn't know "where things are with her". I think, she's in the bleeping twenty-first century Dad and you are in the 1940s. "She's in a relationship with you, you 'have' her," i tell him. Does he really need her to wear a ring to signify that she's (cough, cough) "his"? During this call he says he's thought about it and yeah, it's probably true. (I've not met the woman, my sister has only glanced at her. My brother did get to have lunch with her.)

Sunday: lovely, mad at Dad because he was rude when he called for tech support and i started explaining the fix and he cut me off. Also stressing about Monday.

Monday: long hard workday using up all my focus on tiny details and stay on task energy for the week (exec function)

Tuesday: Because i understand what i used up on Monday, i can watch myself and how it impacted on Tuesday. I also know Tuesday's work schedule will not need much of that capacity, so it all works out.

Tuesday: another colleague announces departure. For keeping score

* 2022 Spring New Exec Dir T hired
* beginning 2023 Exec Dir T moves to another division
* March 2023 New Exec Dir J hired
* June 2023 my manager goes to T's division
* Early Oct Director for the teams i work with goes to very different company - he's been passed over for the exec dir twice.
* Mid Oct Principal Engineer for the team i work most closely with (eg the leader for the team in engineering) goes to T's division
* Oct 31 Manager for the team i work most closely with goes to the same very different company

The team i work most closely with is probably shell shocked. I've reached out to them and said, i would help, how do they want me to support them on their support job? And feel free to ask me about anything they would have their manager, i have managed before.

Exec Dir J wants to talk to me about the team. I'm am trying to figure out how to be very clear. No, i do not want to be a manager, and i cannot provide the benefit to the organization that i do now if i try to also do that job.

Tuesday: provided Dad tech support. Still mad. He knows how to ask people about themselves, he does it with strangers etc. He doesn't know how to do it with his daughters.

Wednesday: I dress in a good mood. Look at me, putting on colorful hair extensions just because they will look good with the sweater, and earrings, and necklace! By end of day, feeling dreadful. Headaches. Asthma flare really bad. My sister is back home from a road trip with her family, i call and we rant about Dad. She shares his boorish behavior over the past week. I share a little about work situation. We plan to get together the next morning. Feeling even worse after grocery trip. Possible it's hair extensions pulling + asthma + a lunch of full grain barley and cabbage?

Thursday: Meet up with sis at co-op for breakfast and herbal tea. Talk about her trip, a little more about my work. Bought buckwheat and water for health equipment and other impulse buys. Home, spent a few hours reflecting on the future and came up with guiding statements that sort of say where i want to be in the next decade, and some more questions to think about. Back to work after lunch.

I'm actually peopling this week, having some social (and quasi social) zooms. Which is novel-ish. A sign my depression is fading! On the other hand, i'm leaning into "asthma flare so i can't" a lot. I tried reading about asthma advice and i can't tell if i am recalcitrant or if i should really get checked for COPD. I really don't feel like exercising or doing things that require exertion. You should exercise, says the asthma advice, but all the advice seems to be for people with regular asthma. Not "i've been coughing for a month."

I'll try to get in a walk down the hill today.