elainegrey

In "There's an app for that" news i now have three ways to measure my sleep: the smart bed, the watch, and now the CPAP. I still think the Smart watch is probably best in general for actual sleep:

duration - 7 h 20 m
actual sleep - 6 h 31 m
motionless - 4 h 40 m

CPAP reports usage, 6 h 22 m, and apnea events, 3.4 events per hour (which is better than the sleep studu metric). I pulled it off around 5 am, so hopefully a little more sleep after that. I did put it on a little early, as well, trying to get used to it.

The bed thinks i got in bed around 8:20. If it can't tell the difference between our large cat and me -- well, piffle. I appreciate how the bed can adjust as the distribution of weight shifts around, and with 47 pounds of cat distributed across three cats, i can appreciate that it's not trivial calculations. I can't trust the heart rate and breath rate measurements as they're probably some weird average of Edward Cat and myself.

The real measure of the night's sleep should take into account whether i remembered to put tea in the teapot. No, i did not. Piffle x 10.

Nonetheless, YAY the CPAP is here. Once i get used to it, i know everything will not magically get better, but surely some things will improve.

I was up late due to the west coast Mindfulness for ADHD class i am taking. The discussion about Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria didn't resonate for a bit. I know i have lower self esteem than i would like and trend more to trying to be a people pleaser. And i know i am extremely self critical, as my mind adding "but failing to be a people pleaser." I still didn't resonate with "dysphoria" until the two characteristics

* Not being aware of impact on others
* Not being able to evaluate our own worth

were discussed. And i am very unaware of my impact on others. I feel like i must be this drab invisible thing, a wall flower, but i know that feeling isn't accurate. "If i slipped away, no one will notice," i think for many many many varieties of slipping away.